As TKS’s editor-in-chief, it is my duty to keep the campus apprised of all goings-on related to The Day of Flunk. With the theme email officially out (it’s space, for the record) and the planners officially confirmed (Kaitlyn Duling, Regina Rosenbrock, Bethany Marinier, and Andrei Papancea, although this information comes directly from Andrei himself, and Andrei cannot be trusted), it’s time to hunker down, analyze the events calendar, and figure out when Flunk Day will be. Here are the predictions so far:
Tim Kasser: April 26. This student finds it highly unlikely that Flunk Day will be April 26. First, it’s a Friday, and a Flunk Friday would inevitably lead to a Flunk Saturday and a Flunk Sunday and far too many instances of alcohol poisoning. Highly scientific studies by professors who enjoy that sort of thing have further shown that Flunk Day has, historically, only occurred on a Friday a few times. Strike one for Theory de Kasser. Strike two: the next day is the Earth Month Festival, which the college is billing as a huge thing. A huge outdoor thing which cannot be held on the remains of the lawn after Flunk Day.
Anna’s Highly Scientific Probability Assessment: 30:1
John Dooley: a Friday. Again, the Friday argument. John Dooley is clearly trying to mislead people.
Anna’s Highly Scientific Probability Assessment: 27:1
Liz Carlin-Metz: May 8. May 8 is a bit late for Flunk Day, but perhaps the long winter has convinced the Flunk Day planners to hold the event later in the term to ensure good weather. May 8 is also a Wednesday, which is a probable day of the week, and there are no major events happening around May 8. This one might actually have a shot.
AHSPA: 15:1
Andrei Papancea: I’m not telling you when it is. Go away.
Andy Civettini (who actually does data analysis to determine when Flunk Day will be): Go write your Honors, Anna.
